I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
