We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
