get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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