I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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