He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
