I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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