one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
