i permit you to call me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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