barbara walters just said penis...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize