you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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