i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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