he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
