I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
