How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
