I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
