Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I want a musical about memes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
