he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
