dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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