My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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