I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
