remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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