She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
