you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
