Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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