Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
