We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
