New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
