so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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