Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
