why didn't you poke me back
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
