It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Congratulations! We have a period
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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