if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
