Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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