Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
