I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
