Your mouth is God's brothel.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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