The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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