I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
