$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
