Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
