so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
