i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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