I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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