if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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