I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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