exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I understand Curling. That high.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
