I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
