I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
