Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
