you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
