he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
