Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
