U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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