Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
sarcasm needs its own font
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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