don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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