I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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