So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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