Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
