i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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