O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
