I just threw up on my dentist
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want to fling myself into the sun
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
