Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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