i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
