no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
