You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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