i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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