what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
