my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
