I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
