did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
