apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
