She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
should my penis look like a turkey
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
