when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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