his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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