You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
