Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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