oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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