i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
